First Posted on January 8, 2015
Only in Oklahoma (so far, at least). Headline: New Bill Would Make Wearing Hoodies A Crime.
Oklahoma lawmakers are planning to introduce a bill this February that would make it illegal to wear hooded sweatshirts, or “hoodies,” in public . . . Republican Senator Don Barrington will introduce the bill, which would make it a misdemeanor to “wear a mask, hood, or covering” either while committing a crime or in order to intentionally conceal one’s identity . . . CNN legal analyst Sunny Hostin took on the issue [and] argued that hoodie bans are similar to previous bans on sagging pants . . . (etc.)
I can see their point. Sorta. I mean, hey, I have two hoodies and . . . hmmm. Wait one. I only wear them to keep warm on really cold and crappy days, never just to conceal my identity or commit a crime. Hmmm. Hoodies, crime . . . makes me wonder if former VA Gov. McDonnell wore a hoodie whilst he was taking bribes? No one has said one way or the other, at least as far as I know. But now down there in Florida, Trayvon Martin was wearing a hoodie AND carrying some iced tea and a bag of skittles when he was shot and killed because self-defense, right? Ermmm . . . oh wait, he was blahhh — THAT’S the crime, right? I think I’m finally gittin’ it! Tricky dilemma to deal with legislatively though, but I’m thinking maybe the Okies should simply outlaw blahh dudes in hoodies, maybe let everybody else (well, ‘cept for Injuns, A-rabs, Messicans, people who believe in global warming, you know the type) wear ’em ‘cept when they’re robbing banks and stuff. Hmmm. Tricky tricky. Boy, talk about a complicated and complex issue! But it’s the best reason I can think of to stay out of Oklahoma (well, maybe not the BEST reason, but certainly one of the top fifty)! I do hope, though, that the anti-hoodie fever doesn’t spread. I mean, if hoodies are to be illegal everywhere, wouldn’t it be easier to just imprison the corporate masters who make and sell them? That could work, couldn’t it? Maybe with a Constitutional amendment . . . ?? When I lived in Arizona, one day I was out wandering around in the McDowell mountains N.E. of Scottsdale when I ran across a hoodied whatchacallit there on the desert. It’s beyond me why I wasn’t scared outta my wits, why I didn’t call the authorities and report the travesty. I guess it was because right there next to the hoodied criminal was what surely must have been God’s foot, positioned and ready to punt the bad guy into the next universe! Besides, since they were all made of wind-sculpted granite and therefore not much of a threat, I stopped, set up my 4×5 camera on its tripod and took the above shot, all-the-while feeling every bit as safe as people will soon feel in Oklahoma! Meanwhile, in other related Wingnuttistanian crime news Pat Robertson points out that Bob McDonnell, Like Adam, Was Seduced By A Woman Into Corruption — still no word on whether either McDonnell or the “woman” were wearing a hoodie during said criminal seduction, however.